Cry Me A River
by g.fox90
Summary: Gregory House made a decision, he wanted out of PPTH and away from Cuddy forever to live a life he's always dreamed of but ten months later when a storm gets the better of him, can Cuddy find him and what they lost? RATED M FOR LANGUAGE,CHAPTER 6 NOW UP!
1. Chapter 1: Lost without your Love

_**A/N: Hey a new story, will have the latest installment of 'Can't Fight This Feeling' Soon but this idea has been nagging at me and I wanted to start something else as CFTF might be coming to a explosive end soon :D I hope you like it if you don't I'll scrap it I have some awesome sci-fi story ideas like a flashforward like story! Anywho, read and review...please ^.^**_

* * *

**Swallowed by the sea**

By Gabriel F.

* * *

Chapter one: Lost without your Love

_**Ten months earlier**_

"_House how many times have you come to my office and quit?" Cuddy's eyebrows naturally and cynically rose, "It's a right of passage for us now."_

_Something about his face was different when Cuddy turned to look at House. The expression he wore made her feel curious, as it was sombre and defeated. _

"_House, are you ok?"_

_He shook his head, "I'm serious this time. I can't live like this anymore, I have to leave and I won't be coming back."_

_Cuddy walked over to him, granted they weren't close anymore or ever but a distance had crept up between them since Lucas. She wasn't stupid, House had made clear advances towards her when he came back from Mayfield but her having a serious relationship with someone else destroyed their fragments of friendship. House couldn't tell her his problems, not that he ever would, he was a suffer in silence sort of man._

"_Is there anything I can do?"_

_His answer was short and fast, "No, I can't stay. I'm leaving tonight."_

_House made his way towards Cuddy's office door seeking solace anywhere but near her. Cuddy chased after him, grabbing his arm, pulling him to face her, "House, this isn't…I don't want to sound self absorbed but you leaving isn't about…"_

_The frustration was evident on House's face as he tore his arm away from her grasp and shouted, "Believe it or not Cuddy, not everything is about you. I don't give a damn about you, or your little brat or you lover boy. I have my own problems; my own demons to fight and they have NOTHING to do with you."_

_House stood for a moment in shock of his own outburst watching the reactions of the staff around himself before escaping to his office. Cuddy was stunned, in all her years of House's confrontations he'd never reacted like that._

"_What's wrong with him?"_

_Nurse Smits walked up behind Cuddy with concern written into the lines on her creased forehead, "He seems angry…well angrier than usual."_

_She laughed but it seemed lifeless, "You shouldn't have to deal with him much longer."_

_The Nurse looked at her hopefully, "Really?"_

_Cuddy suddenly realized as she saw House leave his office and walk to the elevator, "House just quit."_

_He walked the distance to the elevator the last time, glancing at Wilson's office nostalgically, then pressing the button calling it to him. House turned around and saw Cuddy was rooted to the spot he'd left her in. Their eyes caught. That's when they both knew how they felt and it was a tragic realisation that they were too late, too far apart to ever be able to be truly happy. Their eyes mirrored it, House placed down his box and walked over to her though his brain told him to turn and run the other way. The heat had intensified between them, those people who knew they shouldn't but they do, as it was the only way House could say goodbye. He moved so close to Cuddy she couldn't breathe and whispered in her ear, "Follow me."_

_A nearby empty clinic room was their destination and as soon as the door was shut and the two inside lips collided in a confrontation of intense passion. It was a release of so much more than mutual sexual attraction and it soon lead to more than a kiss. Cuddy knew it would as it had once before, they couldn't hold back when they were that near each other the others presence was intoxicating. It was a fitting end to them, or so they believed._

_When Cuddy was lying breathless on the exam table and he was redressing himself silently, "This is just like the last time."_

_House sighed and shook his head, "No, this time we knew what we were getting into."_

_She reached out to touch his bare chest savouring the moment of being able to be that close to him, being able to feel him, "At least tell me where you're going, House, I…"_

"_You what?"_

_Cuddy drew her hand away in fear of another outburst, "I care about you."_

_House caught her hand, "Then forget about me."_

**

* * *

Present day**

House had escaped and felt a freedom he'd never experienced before in his life. Of course it had come at a cost, he rarely spoke with Wilson due to where he was and hadn't seen Cuddy aside from his dreams. House thought about her all the time and knew that though he was physically free he left part of himself with the hospital and her.

"Argh!"

House cried as a wave hit him hard on the face. When he left PPTH, House wanted to get away and his childish impulses got the better of him. It was the choice he'd made ten months ago to choose life, something for him instead of doing what he should. Travelling the world in a $600,000 boat was a dream life yet something was nagging at him, when he talked to Wilson something felt odd like there was something he didn't know. House retreated to the inside deck to navigate the boat. Inside the machinery was fairly new though he knew how to operate it well, so he picked up the radio channel sixteen was the cost guard.

"Mayday, mayday, mayday…"

House tried to remain calm but the storm was picking up quickly, "This is Moriarty, twenty-eight-foot cruiser with a blue hull and white cabin."

He groaned as the boat hit a large wave forcing him forward slamming his head into a compartment over his head, "Just one man on board, I'm crippled but I have a life jacket."

House tried to read the GPS but the electrical storm was interfering with the device, "I can't tell any co-ordinates but I'd guess I was two or three miles away from the coast of Boston."

The night was growing darker by the second only momentarily lit up by a strike of lighting, House's radar wasn't working and the radio wasn't entirely clear, "The storms a little worse than I'd planned, the navigations still working but none of the other equipment. I'm a sitting duck, you hearing this, over?"

He waited the usual ten seconds but no response which made him grow anxious and panicky, "MAYDAY, MAYDAY, MAYDAY, are you hearing me? Over?"

House slammed the receiver down and screamed at it, he knew the only option was his laptop the only other piece of machinery left that might work. The risk was leaving the wheel unattended, going further of course and the coast guard would never find them. House tapped the wheel indecisively before limping down to the lower level to seek out the laptop. He felt the boat hit something propelling him forward hitting his head on the edge of the cabinet. House felt dizzy but he couldn't decide whether it was because of the blood trickling down his face or the uncontrollable movement of the boat. Grabbing the laptop House darted as quickly as he could back up to the deck to regain control. Whilst he'd been gone, they'd hit a rock, "Shit!"

House slammed his hand on the steering wheel; simultaneously he opened the laptop and found there was a small signal. He called the first person he could think of.

"House, what are you doing it's 3.00 AM!"

He tried to shout over the noise of the storm, "WILSON, I need you to call the coast guard! I'm in trouble…" House stumbled back and forth trying to steady the boat and the computer, "I'm somewhere off the coast of Boston…"

Wilson's face was stunned and confused, "What were you doing there?"

"NOW ISN'T THE TIME!!"

"Oh yeah right, House I'm calling but are you ok, you're bleeding!"

House waved him off, "I'll be fine, been through worse."

He left the wheel for a last ditch attempt at a distress call, "MAYDAY, MAYDAY, MAYDAY, this is the third call from the cruiser off coast of Boston! Serious need of assistance! We hit a rock and are taking on water!" House peered down at the lower level and the bottom was swimming in seawater, "I need immediate assistance!! OVER!!!"

_Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one…"We read you cruiser! Over!"_

House cried in elation, "Oh my God! What took you so long, over?"

"Radios damaged from the speed of the storm, we're trying to get out there now, Gregory House, right? Over."

"Yeah that's me. Soon isn't good enough, I need assistance n…"

* * *

Wilson watched the screen on his computer go black. He refreshed and called again and again, "House…"

He slammed his fist against the screen, "HOUSE!!!"

"Wow, what's the matter with you being in bed with me isn't that bad is it?"

Wilson turned to see his wife, for the second time, Sam Wilson giving him a very funny smirk that any other time would have made him feel warm inside, "A video call from House…"

Sam laughed bitterly, "Oh what's the bastard turned sailor done this time?"

Wilson's face creased up and his head fell to the desk he was sat at, "He was caught in the storm, you know the one Boston's been moaning about…His boat was damaged…"

Sam put her arms around her husband, "Hey, House will be fine, he's like a cockroach."

Wilson lifted his head and shook it, "He's hit his head and I watched him…"

She pulled Wilson's face in her hands, "Listen to me, House will be fine. The storm in Boston isn't that bad."

"No." Wilson rose out of his desk chair, "I have to go to Boston."

Sam grabbed him; "You can't go running every time House get's himself into trouble! You're not his family!"

"I'm the only person he's got! Now he didn't call to tell me to go out there but that's what I do. I go because I care about him!"

Sam sat on the edge of the bed, "If you're going then you have to tell her you know where he is before you do."

"What are you talking about?"

"Cuddy."

Wilson shut his eyes and slammed his fist against the wall, "I forgot about her. God, she's going to be heart-broken...and mad."

Sam smiled weakly, "Mainly mad."

"I've got some clothes in the car, I better get going."

Wilson held his wife close to him, "Stay safe, James. If he's gone come back to your family."

He kissed her forehead, "I will, I promise."

_**

* * *

KNOCK, KNOCK**_

"Who the hell is that?"

Lucas moaned aloud but his fiancé was still fast asleep. A lot had changed in the ten months that House had left; they were engaged but mainly Cuddy and their new addition to the family. Cuddy had given birth to their son one month ago, Felix James House. He'd hoped that it would bring them closer together but truthfully the day that House left had just made the distance between them even wider. She focused her time on Rachel, Felix, work and then finding out where House was.

"I'll get it then…"

Lucas rose quietly and made his way downstairs to find out who was calling them a visit at this ungodly hour, "Who is it? He asked through the door.

"It's Wilson, open up I need to talk to Lisa."

The door was flung open and Wilson barged in, "I need to talk to Lisa."

"James, calm down, what's the matter?"

Wilson was getting angry, "Just go get Lisa!"

"Wilson what do you want it's 3.00 AM!"

He sighed in relief, "I need to talk to you."

Cuddy sleepily walked down the stairs subconsciously keeping her distance from Lucas, "What about?"

"House."

Lucas groaned, "The man's been gone for ten months and you guys still can't get over it can you."

"Luc, shut up! Go check Felix and Rachel! Do something useful while you're up."

He moved up the stairs groaning with each step under his breath but once they were alone Cuddy came close to Wilson anxiously, "Have you found him?"

Wilson shifted uncomfortable under her gaze, "There's no time to go into the whole story so yes. I always knew," He caught the look on her face, "Yes I know you're angry but that's not important. House has been travelling around in his boat, he was caught in the storm in Boston…I'm going out there to see if he's d…"

"To see if he's dead Wilson it's ok, I've been checking death records for eight months. I've thought of the worst possible situations…"

Wilson smirked nervously, "You're taking this well but there's no time I can waste, Lisa. I just came to tell you."

Cuddy went under the stairs and grabbed a suitcase, an over coat and a pair of running shoes, "What are you doing, Lisa?"

"I've always known that you knew where he was, I wanted to be prepared to go as soon as I found out. To get to him as quickly as possible."

Wilson was confused, "But Lisa, you've just had a kid! You can't travel and plus you should be staying with him not running to Boston for House."

Cuddy opened the door and threw both Wilson and her suitcase out before joining them outside. She closed the door and marched over to him, "I'm only going to tell you this once. Ten months ago I slept with Gregory House and upstairs is the product of that meeting. I have been and always will be in love with him, if anyone is going to find him." She straightened herself up, "It's going to be me."

* * *

**_A/N: So what do you guys think? And I don't mean to plug any other persons fic but I was reading a fic by melissaisdown and it's really fantastic not many people have read it but check it out it's really awesome! (Sorry if I'm not allowed to do that) Anyway, Review people please, haven't been getting many reviews later. I need lots to continue, I'm greedy like that :D_**

_**ps. Can't wait for episode 20 this is the synopsis House must make a decision between his own needs and his desire for a relationship with Cuddy! How awesome will that ep be, (last one was a tad dissapointing not HL's fault though his directing was top class and that isn't brit bias)**_

_**Love ya,**_

_**Gabe F.**_


	2. Chapter 2: You're Lost Little Girl

_**DISCLAIMER: I don't own any of the characters of the show House MD, they belong to David Shore and Fox, and I'm just borrowing them for a while. I'll give them back…eventually, well everyone but Cuddy she's hot :P**_

* * *

**Chapter two: You're Lost Little Girl**

Wilson wasn't a man who was shocked easily. His first wife was now his fourth wife as well, people with good chances to survive often died in his line of work and his best friend left him to live on the open sea. No, Wilson could definitely say he was an …open man but Cuddy fathering House's child that was one leap to far.

"You seriously expect me to believe that Felix is House's child, you're out of your mind…I shouldn't have told you." Wilson turned from Cuddy and began walking to his car, "I'm wasting time here."

"What?"

Wilson didn't turn, "Go back in there, you've done your duty to House now. I actually thought that somewhere in they're the woman I called a friend once cared about the man she loves."

Cuddy was talking but Wilson was just not listening and talking over her voice. He turned back and saw Cuddy had walked over to him, "No wonder he left! Look at you! You're lying to yourself, to Lucas and to everyone around you. How do you even get up in the morning, knowing you drove him away?"

Cuddy stopped. The words summed up what she'd done and it was overwhelming, it was easy to admit to it but Cuddy had never stopped to think because she rarely had time. Being a mother, the Dean, the fiancé Cuddy never had time to herself, there was always someone waiting, some thing she hadn't done. She retreated to the step on the porch.

"You know when you're chasing something you've always wanted…I was so focused on building the perfect life that I forgot all about everything else." Angry tears formed in her tired bloodshot eyes, "You just keep running, even though you know what your doing is wrong but if you stop…if I stop to see everything I've done…I'd never get up again."

Wilson gritted his teeth, "If you had stopped you'd have seen a man who was willing to do anything for you."

He could feel himself getting angry at her, "Do you know what I would have done to say House would do anything for me? After everything, I mean everything you've done to him, his leg, everything with Lucas and he'd still come back if you called. If you'd told him you needed him, House wouldn't have been on that boat in the first place! He would have been here "

Cuddy stood up, "Why did it always have to be me! I had to be the bigger person, the one who got hurt or humiliated. Loving him was hard," Cuddy started to shout, "I loved him so much and he never ever made me think he could ever love me."

"Then why, when he was changing for you, did you choose to give up on him?"

Cuddy stood up and picked up her things, "We're wasting time when he needs us."

Trying to avoid the confrontation Cuddy placed the trainers on and moved towards the car but Wilson grabbed her shoulders, "If you can't tell me this, what are you going to tell him? What if you can't tell him...I was listening to the radio, the storm in Boston is the worst they've ever had. You need to tell me why, before I take you anywhere near him."

Cuddy sighed deeply, she wasn't proud of her thoughts that lead to the situation they were now in, "I didn't think it would work. I thought he'd come back having cheated his way through just like he always did. I wanted to try and have a normal life while he was gone."

"So, why do you want him now?"

Cuddy was finding herself becoming increasingly annoyed and Wilson recognised the reaction to his questions, "I'm not letting you anywhere near him if you're going to hurt him again. House might not admit it but he's much more fragile that he thinks he is. So, answer the question, why now?"

She smiled weakly, "I wasn't lying ten months ago I slept with House. I think it was our way of ending things between us but some how I got pregnant."

"How can you be sure it's his?"

"I tested him a few days ago, I was thinking about House and I knew as soon as I saw Felix's eyes that he was not Lucas's child."

They stood for a second and Cuddy took her chance to make for the car. She reached the passengers seat and got in throwing her bags in the car. Wilson watched her for a second slightly in awe of the woman.

"Bring her back to me, Wilson."

He spun round to see Lucas, who had snuck outside unnoticed by he or Cuddy, he was holding Felix wrapped up warm, "I have no control over what she does Lucas, neither do you."

He nodded nervously, "But you do over him…"

Wilson turned away from him, "Only one person has control over him."

* * *

With that he walked over to the car and entered the drivers side. Once Wilson had settled down he glanced over at Cuddy then to Lucas stood in the doorway with House's son, "I take it he doesn't know."

Cuddy nodded waving goodbye to them as the engine started, "He really loves you and that baby."

"I know."

"Are you doing this for Felix or are you doing this for yourself?"

Cuddy stared out of the passenger's side window at the deserted roads away from Wilson's prying eyes, "Felix deserves to know who his father is and if he's alive or not."

"What about you? Lucas loves you, you're marrying him, is that going to be enough for you?"

"I love him."

Wilson paused at the red light and turned to his troubled passenger, "Lucas or House? You're going to have to choose sooner or later."

As the drive passed countless homes, people, places and hours Wilson halted suddenly at a roadblock. They hadn't spoken after Wilson had asked her to choose between House and Lucas. The effects of the storm were beginning to become more obvious the closer they got to Boston. Winds were strong and the rain was heavy. A man separated from a crowd of rescue workers by the barricade and made his way to Wilson's window.

"I'm sorry sir nothing is allowed to pass beyond this point, the storm is getting worse we've evacuated the whole coast and surrounding area's."

"My friend was in a boat few hours ago…"

"Has he checked in with you?"

Wilson shook his head, "No."

"There's not much anyone can do. I suggest you take up in a motel about five miles north of here until the storm dies down, until then no ones getting any further."

"Thank you."

"Sorry, but just in case I do hear anything what's your friends name?"

"Gregory House, he was in a cruiser off the coast."

"Well, I'll look out for him."

"Thanks I appreciate it."

Wilson turned the car around but paused in frustration slamming the wheel hard with his fist before resting his forehead lightly on the wheel, "Damn it!"

Cuddy placed a hand on his back trying to sooth his rage, "There's nothing we can do here, the best thing we can do for House is be well rested and alert for when he needs us."

"What if it's already to late?"

Silence settled in between them simply because it's what both of them had been thinking the whole ride down. If House were truly gone, dead and buried how their lives would change. Sure he wasn't in their lives now but there was the hope for Cuddy, something to focus on when the distance between them became too much. Wilson knew there would be no more video calls or meeting up if he happened to pass New Jersey. He'd known House had secretly come to his wedding and gone unnoticed by everyone because Wilson knew he'd changed. The sun had softened him, his skin had been tanned and his dark hair slightly lightened by the golden rays of the Atlantic oceans. He'd wanted everyone to see how happy House was, the freedom he had on the boat was unlike anyone experienced in his or her lifetimes. The ropes were no obstacles to him it was as if he were a completely new man but no one was here to see it. Wilson left the question unanswered and started to drive, of course House was still himself. It wouldn't have been the same without his satire occasionally but he couldn't help but blame Cuddy. Wilson missed House. He depended on him more than he would have liked to admit but now he would shout it out to the world, House was his best and only true friend an he missed him terribly.

"You blame me don't you?"

Wilson turned from her view, "I don't know what you're talking about Cuddy, just get some sleep."

They'd reached the motel a few minutes later and saw only one room available. Neither really wanted to spend the night with the other, it was only going to lead to an argument as they could feel the tension between them. A silent agreement on who was sleeping where, luckily there was two bed and plenty of space to sleep, a comfortable distance between each other.

Now, as they tried to sleep but it would not come Cuddy felt the hate bubbling off of Wilson's attitude towards her.

"James, don't lie to me. You've made your feelings pretty clear earlier what's stopping you now."

Cuddy could only have slept if someone had brought tranquilizers into the room; it was the worry for House and her children that kept her up. _I didn't even kiss Felix or Rachel, goodbye…_

"Look we're both frustrated and tired…I don't mean to be curt with you ok? I'm just…"

Cuddy sat up in her single bed and crossed her legs facing Wilson, "Just looking for someone to blame?"

Wilson mirrored her by sitting up on the bed. Though part of him hated Cuddy for the way she just dropped him, a part of him liked the fact that even when he was mad with her they talked. Wilson liked talking to someone who knew House as well if not better than he did. They had a common goal, making sure House was alive and well.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't blame you. It's just if I don't blame you the only person I have left to blame is myself."

"Wilson it's not your fault."

He ran his fingers through his soft hazel hair, "I should have told him it was a bad idea him being alone out there but I didn't. House seemed to have a new lease of life and I didn't want to be the one who took that away from him."

Cuddy smiled sweetly, "Did he really like being on his boat?"

The smile brought on imagining House lying on the deck of a beautiful boat somewhere in the Pacific having an adventure out in the world, though she was now thinking more of a seaborne Indiana Jones.

"Yes, his dad was a Marine. They used to sail together, that's why he loves it so much. House would never admit to it but I think he's doing it in a way to remember the good times with his dad."

The quiet crept in between them again secretly, each of them were to busy thinking of times House had made them laugh or cry and even scream. There was never a dull moment with him, life with him was like living in a maze but without him everything seemed monotonous no one had his spark. Without a word Cuddy raised and made her way over to the window, the shutters rattled despite having been nailed shut. She opened the blinds over slightly so she could see the storm raging outside.

"How could anyone survive sea's like that? The dry land was bad enough to travel on…imagine being on the open sea."

Wilson stood beside her, "He's a fighter and anyway he was out there hours ago, maybe it wasn't that bad."

Though he'd said the words Wilson himself had no belief in them looking out at the wrath of the storm in front of him.

* * *

They'd made a plan of action in the sleepless night and once the morning came, even though the storm made it hard to tell what was day or night, they sprang into battle. After a small breakfast Cuddy and Wilson headed to every rescue centre, every place where evacuated and people who had survived but nothing. The storm was dying down but every time Cuddy spoke to another person who had no idea where House was another part of her hope fade away. Presently, they both sat in the corner of a school hall that was being used as a temporary home for evacuated citizens.

"Where else can we check?"

Cuddy was clutching straws, she couldn't stay there in the school hall as the people were also desperate to discover information on their lost family members, "We can see if the road is still blocked or…"

Wilson didn't really want to think of it as an option but realistically it was probably the most likely outcome, "I was talking to a volunteer earlier, and they are taking the injured and the dead to a hospital not far from here."

"I know what you're thinking but he's not dead, Wilson."

"And I know you don't want to think about that possibility but look around you. This is the worst storm they've ever seen here he was in a boat, people are dead on land and missing presumed dead. I don't want you to get your hopes up."

Cuddy stood up and looked back at Wilson in shock, "Why are you giving up so easily? I have been questioned and tried by you as to why I am here and now you're telling me I came to bring a corpse home to my son?"

"I'm not forcing you to be here, Cuddy. There's no point in arguing with me it's not going to help us find him."

"Excuse me?"

A man walked up to them not really wishing to interrupt them but had overheard them talking, "I couldn't help but overhearing your conversation…I don't know whether it will help but the coast guard and some volunteers were able to get a search party together for a party of boats lost at sea. They took the survivors and the dead to the hospital down the road."

Wilson stood and thanked the man, taking him slightly away from Cuddy to ask the question he really wanted to know, "How many survived?"

The man's face fell, "Three."

"Out of…"

"Twenty."

Wilson brought himself to politely but absentmindedly thank the man once again. He collapsed back onto the chair beside Cuddy. If House wasn't one of those three what were the odds that he was alive. They would make the trip to the hospital and have to look over seventeen dead bodies, Wilson couldn't decide whether he wanted one of them to be House or not. The longer he went missing the less hope he had, House's own reasoning stuck in his mind the reality of the situation making him aware that House maybe lost at sea.

"Wilson…what is it, what did he say to you?"

_Lie, James, she doesn't need to know right now, _Wilson thought to himself as yet another realisation hit him. If House was dead Cuddy wouldn't be able to carry on as normal, he doubted he could, at present she had hope and that was more valuable than anything at that time, in their situation.

"There are rushed off their feet at the moment. We've been looking for House all day; we'll sleep here for tonight and tomorrow, " Wilson subconsciously shivered at the thought of what the next day would bring them, "We'll check the hospital. Get some rest."

* * *

Wilson escaped to a quieter area of the school, away from the noise of people that made it impossible for him to sleep. It wasn't the only reason, the day seemed to have gone so fast and it was approaching 48 hours since his last contact with House. So, feeling completely lost Wilson called his only lifeline.

"Sam?"

"How are you, James?"

Wilson smiled to himself weakly, "I'm fine."

"James I'm you're wife I know when you're lying."

He laughed but the happiness faded quickly, "Come on, tell me Jimmy."

_Jimmy…_ Wilson shook himself out of his morbid thoughts, "I don't think House is alive. A guy came and told us the coast guard found some people they were looking for."

"That's a good thing isn't it?"

"Seventeen people are dead…out of twenty." Wilson sighed defeated; "Tomorrow I have to take Cuddy to see if any of them are House…part of me thinks it would be easier for her if one of them was. Isn't that horrible?"

At that moment Wilson leaned against a wall for support but fell to the floor, he needed Sam to comfort him to hold him so close there was no room to think about any, "You need to stay strong, James."

"I know but it's easier said than done."

_

* * *

Cuddy knew it was a dream from the moment it started because her life could never be that perfect. Her eyes opened and they saw the beautiful sunlight creeping through her window but there was something even more breathtaking beside her. Cuddy's head was rested on a man's chest; his arm was protectively wrapped around her bare waist and the sense of security and satisfaction was something she'd never felt before. Before Cuddy saw the man's face she knew who it was, the many years of silent admiration meant things such as his scent were like a second nature to her._

"_House…"_

_He stirred underneath her; House's hand tamed the wild locks of raven hair on his chest so he could see her face, "Fancy seeing you here."_

_Cuddy laughed and it felt different, carefree and content, "This isn't real is it?"_

_She asked placing her chin on his chest looking sadly up at his brilliant cerulean eyes. House smirked and let his fingers dance over the skin on her cheeks caressing them softly, "Do you want to spend the entire dream questioning my existence?"_

_Cuddy laughed, "You're still an ass in my dreams."_

"_Shut up…" His voice became unlike Cuddy had ever heard before, "You need to stop thinking about the consequences of everything and just take the leap…"_

_House gently but also forcefully turned Cuddy so she was underneath him. Her hands reached up to his short hair, she had no clue if he still had the same hair but she didn't care as House's lips came closer to hers, "I'd never give up on you."_

"_What?"_

_House's soft lips continued and touched Cuddy's as light as a feather so he could still talk, "You have to keep the faith because Wilson can't…He'll tell you to give up but…"_

"_I never gave up on you."_

_House's hand cupped the side of her face, "I know…"_

_Their lips touched so softly Cuddy wasn't sure the kiss had even happened but the feeling of the warmth that suddenly swallowed her whole was evidence. Cuddy lost all thought of the present events or the past and her hands made quick work of pulling the incredible lips harder against her own. It was the way Cuddy had always wanted to live, feeling such satisfaction and happiness but even then in the most perfect of moment the fact that House was only a dream replayed like a broken record making her pull abruptly away from his inviting lips. Cuddy saw his look of confusion and held his forehead to hers, "I can't House...it feels so right…"_

"_Then don't think about it."_

_She placed a finger on his soft lips, "But this is only a dream…you're somewhere out there, Greg. I have to find you."_

_House sighed, "Can't you just enjoy the moment?"_

"_No, you told me not to give up…I can't be happy until I find you House. I can't be happy unless I'm with you, until then enjoyment isn't an option."_

_House smirked, "Well, you're enjoyment-less fantasy has been nice but as you say you have an ass to find though if I might add yours is plenty for everyone."_

_Cuddy laughed and slapped him on the chest to which House feigned hurt. She pulled him for a chaste kiss, "I love you, Gregory House."_

"Cuddy…"

Wilson shook her shoulder gently, "It's time we get going."

She nodded rising slowly out of the bed. Once Cuddy was upright a smile crept onto her face and Wilson noted it, "What's with you?"

"I had a good dream, it gave me hope."

Wilson had been preparing himself all night, he thought telling her was the right thing to do to allow her to get ready for what was to come. It was the bright smile Cuddy had permanently set into her graceful features which Wilson hadn't seen in a long time. He didn't have the strength to tell her now and he doubted that her hope could be killed that easily after her dream.

"Do you want to share it with the rest of the class?"

Cuddy stood up with a new burst of energy, "It was nothing that special," She smiled secretly to herself, "We're going to find him today Wilson. I can feel it."

* * *

_**A/N: What you guys thinking out there? I am really happy with the response to the first chapter so I gave you an extra long chapter because you guys deserve it. Do you want me to give you the title of the next chapter?**_

_**Chapter 3: Everything's Not Lost**_

**_:D I love you reviews, the more you give the faster I upload simple as, bribery nice :D_**

**_Gabe xx_**


	3. Chapter 3: Everything's not lost

_**A/N: I'm so sorry about the delay and the crappy mistakes I've been making! I'm so bad! Just to clarify it should have be Felix Cuddy soon to be Douglas if the wedding goes through. If there are any further mistakes do not hesitate to tell me as I have little time to check my chapters life's hectic! Enjoy!**_

* * *

Chapter three: Everything's not lost

"_**It's not hard to find the truth. What is hard is not to run away from it once you have found it.**_

"I want you to promise me something."

"What?"

They were outside the hospital. It was a beehive of activity, people being rushed in and people running in after them. The two of them were sat in the car that was still being battered by rain but lessening as the hours past. Wilson sighed, "I need you to promise me before I say this."

"Wilson…"

He cut Cuddy off, "Just do it."

Reluctantly and suspiciously agreed, "Ok, fine I promise. Now tell me why I am doing this."

"There's something I didn't tell you…something that guy told me yesterday. You know the one who told us about the people found yesterday?"

Cuddy nodded but wasn't liking the direction of Wilson's admission, "Cuddy, twenty people were found on the boat."

"Isn't that good news?"

Wilson shook his head, "The survivors are being treated in ICU and…" He turned his face away from hers towards the hospital doors, "the rest in the morgue."

There was a moment when Cuddy's will power faltered at the sound of Wilson's words but something had been stirred up in her dream. It was House's defiance mixed with her own brand of stubborn, "Why is it you have already decided that it's the morgue we'll be finding him in?"

"Because seventeen of the twenty people found are currently there, Cuddy. The odds for House's survival are falling fast."

Wilson turned and saw Cuddy getting out of the car slamming the door hard as she physically could. He quickly made his way after her catching her in the rain, "Cuddy you have to face up to the odds! You made me a promise!"

She tore her hand away and turning to him slapping her soaking fists into Wilson's chest, "Why do you give up on everything!!"

He held her close to his sodden clothes trying to calm her forgetting all about the rain surrounding them, "House would have told you that you're being an idiot."

Cuddy broke from his hold on her looking at Wilson from behind the drenched hair that was covering her beautiful features, "What did you make me promise to, Wilson?"

"Let's go inside."

Wilson dragged her inside and sat her down in a quieter part of the overcrowded hospital, "Cuddy…Lisa, you had a baby with Lucas one month ago. I should never have told you about House…you should be with Felix regardless of whether he's Lucas's or House's. If you don't love Lucas then leave him but the chances of House being one of those three people who survived this…" Wilson hated himself so much for being the person who had to confront her with the truth but he knew it had to be done, "House is dead."

It was too much. She knew it, Wilson knew it and heck, Lucas probably knew it he wasn't a stupid man. Before they had set off to the hospital Cuddy rang Lucas, she missed Felix more than it could have possibly been explained. He was doing fine but missed his mother; Lucas made it obvious in his views. Was he wrong? Was Cuddy wrong being there for House, putting the father of her son the man she loved before the child she had waited years to give life to? Tears formed behind her closed eyelids and it was due to the echo of Wilson's words, _House is dead…_

"He's not dead, Wilson. I can feel it."

Wilson placed a sympathetic hand on her shoulder but Cuddy shrugged it off, "Stop it! Stop doing this! If you think he's not alive go home! I'm staying here until someone shows me proof!"

"No. It's time to talk about that promise you made me…I'm going find out if House is one of those people and your not."

Cuddy fought the prospect as soon as it came from his mouth, "No, you can't do that on your own. No one should have to."

"I want you to go to the bar just down the street and wait for me. I'm not asking you, Lisa…I'm telling you. If he's dead I'll find out."

Her voice faltered, "Or if he's alive."

Wilson smiled but it was full of pity for the woman in front of him. Though Cuddy's hope and strength was her most inspiring quality, part of Wilson wondered if that was a factor in House loving her so much.

"Then I take you back home and we accept whatever happens as fact."

Cuddy silently, and reluctantly, accepted his terms. They walked without a sound through the rain to a nearby bar, that Wilson checked out once inside asking the barman to look after Cuddy. Before Wilson left the bar he had an early morning drink with Cuddy for some Dutch courage. Cuddy cleared her throat, "I thought after I met House more than twenty years later we'd be so much more…I thought we'd be happy together."

"Everybody has dreams, Cuddy."

She was getting frustrated with herself, "I knew back then I would never be happy with anyone else. Everybody around House back then knew he was one of a kind."

Wilson laughed bitterly, "He still is."

Cuddy smiled weakly, "I know I shouldn't be here. I should be pretending life's great with my beautiful children and fiancé but I can't be the mother I could be without doing this."

"You don't have to justify yourself to me." Wilson sighed knocking back more of his drink, "I'm the one who should have told you what he was doing months ago. Now I think about it, I blamed you for him leaving…that you couldn't see how much he was wordlessly devoted to you."

"Well…time for you to…"

Wilson noted the first significant doubt in her voice he'd not seen before. In a way Cuddy's strength made him feel better and stronger. It made Wilson believe that that she was right and he'd rather be wrong.

"I'll be going then."

He threw the rest of his scotch down his throat and took a deep breath shaking the bitterness of the drink. The pending event loaming over him, Cuddy saw the fear in Wilson's eyes and part of her was thankful she didn't have to go through looking at the bodies in the morgue. The bodies of peoples' daughters, sons, brothers, sisters, wives, husbands…lovers. Before Cuddy knew it the space next to her was empty and Wilson was leaving the bar.

"Bring him back, Wilson."

He nodded and without words Wilson left her there sat alone on the stool at the bar with her hope slowly becoming more uncertain as time past.

* * *

"So, Dr. Wilson what do you want to do first? Morgue or ICU?"

Wilson stared at the people around him, the people who were waiting on those who had been harmed by the storm and those who were waiting to see the resting place of their loved ones. There was no in between, hope seemed to have abandoned the place and left nothing but death and grief to be welcomed into their hearts.

"The Morgue." Wilson sighed, "Get the worst over with first."

The nurse smiled beside him but it was what Wilson would call a 'cancer smile'. It was meant to comfort and inspire hope but the truth was it made the receiver feels pitied and even worse. The journey down to the morgue was one of a deathly silence. Wilson pondered over the words he would use to tell Cuddy that the man her hopes seemed to be pinned on was dead. She'd want to see him; they'd have to get the body taken back to Princeton, then tell everyone and organize a funeral…

"Dr. Wilson, we're here."

The nurse, of which Wilson had been too preoccupied to learn the name of, continued to talk but it seemed to pointless to listen to. A window into the room of the dead showed the endless black body bags in which one his friend could be lying. It seemed to make Wilson realize something, he needed to know House could survive and be happy that's why he was indulging Cuddy in her quest of love and restoration. If House, a man who was so damaged and alone, could be happy it meant that there was hope for himself and Sam. They all needed closure but Wilson hoped as the nurse directed him into the room that this was not the closure fate had decided.

"Can you give me a brief description of your friend, it will help narrow down the search and prevent any unnecessary…viewings."

Wilson nodded and described House as best he could, "He's late 40's, very tall probably around six foot something. Erm, he's got a scar on his right thigh, blue eyes and brown hair."

She smiled sincerely, "Thank you that will be a good start. If you sit down just a moment, I'll call you if we find anything."

* * *

It was at times like these that people remembered the great things about a lost person. The potential loss made Cuddy wonder about why she and House never got together. It was like looking at life through another person's eyes, through grief filled eyes, as grief was the price to pay for loving someone like House. At times it was hard but at others it felt like the easiest thing in the world, in a way House was her drug. Cuddy was addicted to him, having him near her felt right but when he was gone she craved him, craved the passion, the intelligence and the rush that he gave her. It was more than lust that Cuddy had felt for previous partners and it was more than the safety Lucas gave her, it was indescribable, indestructible and dysfunctional…but that was House himself and that to Cuddy was perfection.

* * *

"We've only found one man similar to that you have described Dr. Wilson. Would you like to come this way?"

His brain screamed, No. Wilson didn't want to go into a world where House would be, it felt like all the times House had done something stupid or been shot or nearly dies but a million times worse. Each step he took was painful towards the viewing room, seeing the ghostly body lade out on the slab. As Wilson got closer and closer to the icy pale body it became more obvious.

"It's not him…"

No, the man on the slab was someone else's friend and lover. He looked in pain even though the man's eyes were closed. His face was scared and, as hard as they tried, the bruises came up from under the pale make up meant to make him more lifelike.

"Sorry...it's not House."

An hour later Wilson had viewed the last ICU patient and had said it's not him countless times. When all hope seemed to have vanished and all sense of time around him had stopped a doctor tapped him on the shoulder.

"Your Dr. Wilson, right?"

Wilson nodded absently, "That's me."

"I'm Dr. Roland. I was in the ER when the ICU patients from the boat came in." He pulled Wilson from the side, "There was four patients not three that survived. He wasn't meant to be on their boat so they thought because the records said twenty that there was only that but they pulled him aboard."

Hope instantly returned to Wilson and warmed his frozen heart for a second whilst hearing Roland's words, "He had extensive injuries but not as serious as the others. He was like the man you described to the nurse earlier, tall, dark hair, late 40's blue eyes hard to tell anything else as he was soaking and covered in blood but it could be the man you're looking for."

Excitement and relief bubbled out of Wilson's voice, "Where is he?"

Roland looked away, "Well, we were all so busy in the ER that the critical patients became the only ones we saw. I saw him for a second, I think he said he was a doctor but everybody was so busy I think he just left."

"So you have no idea where he or what condition he's in?" Wilson sighed and said to himself, "He was alive, at least that's one thing."

* * *

Cuddy had lost track of the time and the horrible sounds that seemed to echo in from the street. The rain had picked up again, making the conditions even worse adding insult to injury. Wounded people sought shelter and help inside the bar and soon it was a crowded place running low on everything.

"OH MY GOD!! SOMEONE HELP!!"

Two men came crashing through the bar doors hoisting a man in between them. He was sodden and covered in blood, a wound on his face gushed blood and Cuddy jumped up from her seat, "I'm a doctor! What happened here?"

One of the two men jumped at her question, "The rain got harder and made it impossible to drive in. This guy was stumbling on the path but we lost control of the car I think we hit him. He's already injured! We tried to get him to the hospital but a lorry had turned over blocking the path."

Cuddy turned her attention to the bleeding mess of a man before her, "Can you get me some clean water and a cloth let's try and clear him up."

The truth was this man was in worse condition that her eyes would let her believe, he had cuts all over his face and body and it looked like he had a puncture wound in his stomach from the collision with the car. When cloths and water came, Cuddy instructed people to apply pressure to his wounds to prevent the bleeding whilst she cleaned up his face. Momentarily he regained consciousness and his eyes opened. Impossibly blue cerulean eyes that made Cuddy think the unfeasible had happened. It was confirmed when the mans raspy words spoke, "Cuddy…"

* * *

_**A/N: Please Review! And I have to thank all the reviews I have got from the last two chapters! **_

**_AWESOME PEOPLE: _**

**_MeggieGirl, othgirl2010, lenasti16, jayfukae, jaded27, Feuerkindjana, Phamy, lin12344, lurker, housefruit, chris-am, Lynnie1967, lilahkat, ioanna941, houseluva8, Love'n'SweetSauce, Momsboys, Patricia Dubose!_**

**_You're all awesome and keep reviewing I'm on a record :D Looking forward to next house episode people? I am! Seen pics for episode 21 looks pretty damn awesome Nolan talking to Cuddy about what I wonder?_**

**_Gabe xx_**


	4. Chapter 4: I found my smile again

**_A/N: How quick was that? XD shorter chappie just to fill in the gap for a while :D took some ideas from my awesome speedy reviews love ya :D_**

* * *

Chapter four: I found my smile again

"_**For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul."**_

_**-Judy Garland**_

_Impossibly blue cerulean eyes that made Cuddy think the unfeasible had happened. It was confirmed when the mans raspy words spoke, "Cuddy…"_

Cuddy immediately began to wash away all the dirt and blood away from the man's face. The cleaner he got the more he looked like him. _It could be all in my head…it's happened before…_Cuddy thought to herself but as she dropped the cloth and moved her fingers up to touch the rough skin on his face it became all to real.

"House? Is that you?"

His mouth moved into what Cuddy could only describe as the faintest smile she'd ever seen, "You're here…"

House's voice was so quiet she could barely hear it, though something in the way he spoke made Cuddy wonder whether House was entirely there in terms of consciousness.

"House it's me, Cuddy."

Being able to say the words made her want to leap for joy, the feeling of House being there in her arms and being the one to catch him once again when he felt made her feel stronger than Cuddy had ever felt before. Saving him felt empowering, that for all House could do with his amazing gifts he still needed her.

"I'm…" Speaking was painful for him, "Sorry."

Cuddy cradled him in her arms and it was when it hit her. Finding him was the easy part of this situation, could she deal with finding him only to loose him once again?

"Oh no you don't, you're not giving up on me now mister! Not after what you've put me through over the past ten months." Cuddy's voice was stern and commanding, "Now we're going to patch you up and damn it House you are not dying on me."

Another smile crept onto his face but pain soon crept back. The two men were having difficulties keeping the blood under control; every time Cuddy cleaned his face seconds later blood had covered it again. House didn't seem to notice when he was finished drifting from sleep to conscious. He just seemed to look upon her as his salvation. It was then that Cuddy knew he needed serious help. The blood wasn't stopping, the injuries seemed superficial but years of medical training told her there was an internal cause. She cradled his face, "I need you to stay with me, House."

He shivered in her arms, as House was still covered in his sodden clothes, "I'm…so…cold…Lisa…"

Cuddy shivered too but for an entirely different reason, "I need you to stay with me, Greg. I'm not asking, I'm telling you."

Moving quickly, keeping her mind occupied not thinking of what ifs or the maybe's it was now time for the present. Cuddy couldn't stop because if she did he would die and now wasn't the time for her to give up. She knew that he loved her, it was the other way round that was the misunderstanding and Cuddy wanted there to be a time where she could correct her idiotic mistake but until then House's medical needs came before her own emotional. It was the one quality she knew House admired and probably loved in her, her drive, the stubborn drive that told her anything was possible if Cuddy believed in it enough. Wilson told her House was dead but she believed something else and now there he was in her arms. Not safe but not gone yet.

"I need to get him to the hospital. Is there anyway around the truck?"

The two men approached her, "We can go check see if we can find a way."

"Good. Now, is there any bandages or anything we can use to cover his wounds?"

The barman rushed up to her with the remaining medical supplies, "This is all we have left ma'am."

"Thank you."

There were enough bandages to temporarily keep the bleeding from his head at bay but the stomach wound had drenched the fabric in a matter of seconds. When Cuddy touched the wound House's hand shot up to hers, "You're real…I can feel you…"

It made her want to weep what she had done to him, to question whether Cuddy's presence was real. It was also that and a combination of feeling the, previously regal and defined, turned to wet and wrinkled hands touch hers. The feeling of House against her like she had dreamed of since the last day they were together, when they finally became one again, that was the last time she'd touched his hand like that, "I'm real, Greg and I'm going to save you…again but this time you owe me."

Cuddy's voice remaining the very image of strength but only externally, on the inside she just wanted to embrace him and the power of her heart would heal his wounds completely inside and out. The rationalist knew that the notion was ridiculous so she continued as Cuddy felt the raging fire on his damp forehead, "He's got a fever probably pneumonia. We need to get him out now!"

The two men rushed in with a soaked medical stretcher, "There's a way through and an ambulance on the other side! They told us to put him on this."

Cuddy helped them lift House as painlessly as possible and followed House outside to the van. Getting him through was no easy task and once they thought they were clear, disaster always struck, "ARGHHH!"

Whilst trying to push and pull House through the windows in the driver's compartment the glass had shattered above him and after the piercing scream that could have been heard for miles around House fell eerily silent.

"Greg…" Uttered the paramedic, "Talk to us Greg?"

Cuddy peered through to see the damage and swallowed her own scream. A large shard of glass had buried itself into House's chest, "He's got glass in his upper abdomen. We need to get him through as quickly as possible!"

* * *

Wilson had been stopped in the hospital after paramedics were working on freeing someone from a crash outside, no one was allowed to leave anyway as it was too dangerous. Cuddy had been right, House was alive but he was thankful that she had not gone through what he had seen. Parents carrying photographs of young children missing on the return home from school, spouses coming back from the morgue with bags of personal belongings the storm had not repossessed and that was just the beginning.

"I NEED HELP HERE STAT!"

A man covered in blood with a large shard of glass stuck in his chest was brought into the ER on a stretcher. Wilson dismissed it at another distressing and sad event but not bringing him any closer to finding House or getting back to the bar where Cuddy was.

"What's his name ma'am?"

Wilson found himself subconsciously eavesdropping, "Gregory House, he's a doctor. So am I."

He shot up faster than any bullet or lightening ever could at the recognition of the voice, "Cuddy?"

Cuddy spotted Wilson and ran to him. She was soaking and was visibly shivering when Wilson checked her over, "Cuddy, have you found House?"

"YES!" She was out of breath; "They're taking him to theater, suspected internal bleeding and brain bleed. Oh and there's a huge chunk of glass in his chest aside from that he's fine!"

Cuddy started to panic and mutter incoherently, "We need to find the theater! I need to make sure he's ok! What if he dies Wilson! This is all my…"

"STOP!" Wilson grabbed her shoulders and held her still, "You need to calm down, and you found House we know were he is. Let's take this one thing at a time…ok?"

Wilson placed Cuddy on a seat and asked a nurse for a large blanket receiving it he placed it securely around her, "You know there's nothing you can do here, we're all civilians not doctors here. Leave it up to them."

Cuddy nodded and tried to find comfort in the blanket but to no avail, "I talked to him."

This caught Wilson's attention, he was currently trying to warm her up, "What did he say?"

"He thought I wasn't real, Wilson…what have I done to him?"

Truthfully, the oncologist had no answer to that question so he chose to ignore it all together to focus on more important issues, "You said he was alive and he was. I didn't believe you, you're a better person than I am, Lisa. You have to stay strong, we need you."

Cuddy smiled weakly at Wilson, "I thought you weren't my friend any more."

He just wrapped an arm around her trying to share his warmth in a giving and friendly way, "We all need someone to lean on, when it comes to House you're my person and I'm yours."

* * *

**_A/N: What do you think?_**

**_REVIEW maybe? I'm not forcing you but I do love the sound of emails popping up on my iphone :D I'll update quicker :D_**

**_Gabe xx_**


	5. Chapter 5: Never Gonna Leave Your Side

_**A/N: Hey guys sorry it's been so long I've had a lot going on, I've met someone so I'm spending a lot of time with them and it's exam season :D**_

_**Thanks for all the great reviews I love you guys, happy reading.**_

* * *

Chapter five: Never Gonna Leave Your Side

'If you press me to say why I loved him, I can say no more than because he was he, and I was I.'

-**_Michel de Montaigne _**

"You look like you need a cup of tea."

Cuddy looked up at the elderly woman, "Thank you."

She sat next to Cuddy who was wrapped in Wilson's coat handing her a warm and replenishing cup of English tea, "I saw you come in yesterday, with a man with glass in his stomach. Is he ok?"

Cuddy's eyes turned away from the harmless woman to avoid showing her fear, "He's still in surgery. Has been for seven hours."

An aged but soft hand crept onto her shoulder reassuringly, "I'm sure he'll be fine, dear. You just have to keep the faith."

Cuddy spotted a silver cross around her neck but said nothing as the woman offered her hand, "I'm Blythe, and you're?"

Cuddy shook Blythe's hand, "Lisa, nice to meet you. Are you waiting for someone?"

Blythe leaned back and sipped her tea, "My son."

"Is he ok?"

A wise smile broke onto the elderly woman's face, "He will be.

Silence crept in between them in the waiting room but the sound of a radio playing in the distance distracted them both.

_**One less bell to answer**_

_**One less egg to fry**_

_**One less man to pick up after**_

_**I should be happy**_

_**But all I do is cry (Cry, cry, no more laughter)**_

_**Oh, I should be happy (Oh, why did he go)**_

_**I only know that since he left my lives so empty**_

Blythe swayed slightly to the music as it played and hummed along. Cuddy found herself engrossed in the lyrics, it seemed to express exactly how she was feeling over the past few months and it happened often, thinking or feeling longing for him when she heard a love song.

_**Though I try to forget, it just can't be done**_

_**Each time the doorbell rings I still run (I still run)**_

_**I don't know how in the world to stop thinking of him**_

_**Cause I still love him so (Love him so)**_

_**I end each day the way I start out crying my heart out**_

Cuddy glanced over to her right to where Blythe was literally beaming. She smiled at the woman's happiness and was about to ask why when Blythe seemed to read her mind, "This song brings back so many memories."

"Want to share?"

Blythe nodded, "Know anything of love, Lisa?"

Cuddy laughed bitterly, "A little."

_**Oh, one less man to pick up after**_

_**No more laughter, no more love**_

_**Since he went, oh, he went away (He went away)**_

_**(One less bell to answer) Why did he leave me?**_

_**Oh, why, why did he leave?**_

"I loved a man." Blythe closed her eyes and leaned her head back on the wall, "And he was magnificent. Not perfect but that didn't matter, I loved him so much."

"What was he like?"

Blythe smiled but it had a hint of regret mixed with sadness, "He was a soldier but he had the heart of musician. He was so handsome and his eyes…the song just reminds me about him."

_**Now I've got one less egg to fry (One less bell to answer)**_

_**One less egg to fry (Oh, why, why did he leave)**_

_**And all I do is cry**_

_**(One less bell to answer) Because a man told me goodbye**_

_**(Oh, why, why did he leave)**_

Cuddy thought of House in the song and the description of Blythe's love, he had been a soldier she knew in the past but it wasn't him. House was a passionate man, "What happened to him?"

The heartbreak was so evident in Blythe's soul that it poured from her teal eyes, "We married, had a child then he went to war…and he never came back. My son never knew his father."

_**Somebody tell me please (One less bell to answer)**_

_**Where did he go, why did he go (Oh, why, why did he leave)**_

_**How could he leave me?**_

The song ended and Cuddy truly felt for the woman sitting next to her who was visibly torn by the memories of her husband. It brought her thoughts to her son, Cuddy knew now that it wasn't just House who had a right to Felix it was more than that. Cuddy wanted Felix to know him, to love him and to experience all the amazing things House could give him that no other man could.

"By the look on your face, you're going through a similar experience."

Cuddy smiled weakly, "Not exactly."

"Why don't you share with me?"

Cuddy shook her head and sighed, "I shouldn't unload my problems onto someone who's got enough of their own."

"Lisa…" Cuddy turned to the older woman beside her with extreme curiosity, something in the way she said her name was familiar and it made her feel bare in her presence, "You feel a lot better if you share the burden."

Cuddy released a defeated sigh, "The man that was brought in…he's the father of my son."

Blythe raised her eyebrow, "It's more than that I can tell."

"He was leaving, I was with another man…we'd always felt something for each other but when we acted on it timing wasn't exactly perfect. Time was always against us."

"I see." Blythe smiled, "Star-crossed lovers, indeed."

"Hardly."

"But you don't deny you love him?"

Cuddy furrowed her brow, "Why are you so interested?"

Blythe's face grew serious and the silver cross-seemed to shine in Cuddy's eyes as if warning her about lying to the woman in front of her, "Yes. I always will."

Her face lit up, "I knew you did, he's so like his father…"

"CUDDY!

She heard her name being called down the corridor and jumped up to the doorway but Blythe's voice pulled her back, "Don't make the same mistakes I did, Lisa Cuddy."

* * *

House was thrashing in his bed, that he'd only just been lifted into, and was risking tearing his stitches. Wilson had tried to calm him down but to no avail and when an absentminded Cuddy rushed into the room it became clear. She rushed to his side and whispered in his ear which his bandages didn't cover, "I'm here."

Two words from Cuddy's soothing voice were enough to calm the storm that raged inside his head. She wrapped her hand around his, noticing how they seemed to fit together perfectly.

"What's the damage then?"

Wilson asked House's doctor, who was checking his monitors, "At the moment Dr. Wilson, Dr. Cuddy, his condition is a guessing game until he's lucid. Luckily the glass didn't get anywhere too serious, he has few broken ribs but on the upside it hasn't damaged the muscle transplant as far as we can see…"

Cuddy snapped up, "What! Muscle transplant!" She looked over to see Wilson looking away from her eyes, "You knew about this!"

"Yeah, ok, he'd done this experimental surgery a few months ago, he still had a little bit of a limp because it was still healing."

House's doctor continued, "I'd like you two to be prepared for a unpredictable time scale, we don't know when he's going to emerge but my guess is not long. Your friend could have memory loss, balance issues, vision and speech problems."

"Thank you Doctor."

Cuddy didn't thank him but Wilson did, the doctor was happy to vacate the room as he could feel Cuddy's anger. Wilson tried to follow but Cuddy's words caught him, "Why did he do it?"

"Narrow it down a little, Cuddy."

She stood up to face Wilson, "There's something you're not telling me. House has reasons for everything; he wouldn't just leave and do this experimental procedure without a reason. So, tell me…" It pained her to even think the possibility never mind say the words aloud, "Who was she?"

Wilson paused a minute to digest the speed at which Cuddy had deceived something that took him months to weasel out of House. Then he laughed bitterly and sat down in the chair opposite House's bed, "I don't know who she was."

Cuddy fell into the chair, "But…there was a she." Her head fell into her hands, "I'm such a fool."

"I know that he was having an affair with some woman he met at Mayfield, a friend of a patient. The last time, before the storm, I talked with him he said he was ending it. He kept on talking about having nightmares and waking in cold sweats…I think this is deeper than the storm." Wilson rose to look out at the dying winds outside the window, "I want you to go home now, Cuddy. You're job here's done now…"

Another voice broke in, interrupting Wilson, "You're right there Wilson."

Lucas was stood in the doorway with Felix in his arms, Cuddy's hand never left House's as if she was testing the waters but she gestured for him to bring her baby to her, "He's been crying for his mom non-stop…"

Cuddy took Felix and held him close to her, "I've missed you."

Wilson noticed how calm Cuddy seemed to be now that Felix was around but she was ignoring Lucas, "I've missed you too."

He added in and Cuddy obliged him one kiss on the cheek in return but even Lucas must have noticed the third degree he was getting, "How is he doing?"

Wilson sat down again, "No idea yet, he's in a coma. Could be brain damage or he could have trouble walking, speaking and generally living."

Wilson seemed to spit it out in Lucas's face but Lucas didn't seem to notice. His eyes were fixed on Cuddy's hand with House's on the bed not even flinching when he came into the room.

"Do you mind if I speak to Lisa alone, Wilson?"

Wilson huffed out of the room muttering under his breath clearly not taking Lucas's surprise appearance well. Cuddy meanwhile simply ignored him and focused on the comparison of her son with House. Their eyes were almost identical; Felix's were a little clearer and without the ghosts of confronted demons in House's eyes. Felix had her own hair but House's face structure, chiselled and regal. He would grow up to be just like his father and Cuddy, holding her son as close to her heart like she wished she could hold the both of them, wouldn't have it any other way.

"Lisa?"

Cuddy snapped out of her dream world and looked at Felix gurgling below her, "Yes, Lucas."

"I'm bringing you home."

Cuddy laughed and Lucas didn't take it as well as Felix did, who seemed to react with the sound of his mothers laughter, "Look, House is fine now. You need to come home with me, Rachel and Felix."

She reacted at the name of Rachel, "Where is Rachel? Who did you leave her with? Is she ok?"

"She's fine, you're sisters got her but that's not the issue here. You just left us," Lucas tore her hand from House's placing it in his own, "We're you're family now. I thought you'd forgotten about House. He left you without saying goodbye, " A little lie, Cuddy told so that he wouldn't press into what really happened, "You don't owe him anything, you never did."

She shook her head, "That's where you're wrong, Luc. He's my family too; as much as I hated him sometimes I can't abandon him now. I can't just choose when I care it doesn't work like that. Why are you here? I told you I'd be back some time this week."

Lucas turned away from her, and her hand instinctively returned to House's, "You had my son one month ago Lisa, we are supposed to be getting married in a few days but I get it, you forgot about that didn't you."

For once Cuddy knew that Lucas spoke the truth. She'd lost track of the days, on Saturday they were supposed to be getting married and it was Wednesday. It seemed that the search for House made it impossible for her to think about anything not concerning him.

"I didn't forget, I would have been there…" Thoughts of possible situations ran through her head, if House even looked at her like he used to with the unspoken devotion and love that had passed between them Cuddy would have run away with him and never even looked back. "You being here has nothing to do with being insecure about me and House does it?"

Cuddy heard his voice it was unlike the kind and safe tone she was used to, "My future wife runs off in the middle of the night to search for a man who she used to be in love with, no I'm very secure."

"Sorry if my compassion for another human got in the way of your plans."

"That's just it isn't it?" Lucas turned looking from Felix, House and Cuddy and noticed something that made him feel so out of place in her life but that wouldn't stop him, "Is it just compassion?"

Cuddy turned, "I have no idea what you're talking about. House is my friend."

Lucas span on the spot and practically stomped his feet in front of her, "And what am I? Am I just the father of your child?"

"I can't do this now, Luc."

Lucas laughed bitterly, "We never do this, and you can't say it! Ever since he left you've been different, absent. I want Lisa back."

Cuddy manoeuvred herself so that her back faced him, "I am Lisa. I'm more her than I've been in a long time. Leave Felix with me and go home."

A wounded Lucas obeyed and walked to the door but before he left his words softly spoke, "It's decision time, Lisa. Him or me you can't have us both. I can't share you with him anymore."

* * *

Lucas left the room and discovered Wilson smiling ear to ear but remaining silent that is until Lucas marched over to him, "What are you smiling at?"

Wilson replied calmly, "I don't know what you're talking about. I'm very concerned about my friend."

Lucas grimaced and began to walk away, "Yeah sure."

"She'll never love you." Wilson stood walking towards House's room, "Not like she loves him. They're two sides of the same coin, however far apart they get they always come back together."

Lucas looked at Wilson, "Is that so?" He back to Wilson with a menacingly glare, "We used to talk you two you know. She told everything about you, how pathetic you are, how you hang around House pretending he's the one that needs help when it's really you."

Lucas walked away, "See these home truths can work both ways. Lisa's mine, she knows that."

"You don't know me, or House or even Cuddy at that matter. You're so worried about Lisa then why has she thrown you out? Seems to me that she wants to be alone with Felix and House. Why would that be Lucas?"

Lucas was silent as Wilson advanced on him, "Face it Lucas, House is a better man now. He's more ready that he's ever been for Cuddy. That's what scares you, the thing that kept her with you is gone now." Wilson returned to his path towards House's room, "If I were you, Lucas. I'd give up now because she'll always choose him whether she likes it or not."

* * *

Cuddy rocked Felix, lulling him to sleep with the sound of her voice gently singing him to a song she'd heard a few years ago named 'Alberto Morocco'. Felix smiled up at her reaching up to hold her face with his cherub fingers. Cuddy finished her song and began to talk to House.

"I don't know how you'll take this House, but this little miracle here in my arms is ours."

Cuddy placed Felix in the crook of House's arm. She watched at her son naturally snuggled into the heat source, Felix's small arms wrapped around House clutching at him. A small hand on top of his father's larger one. It seemed to do the trick as momentarily after the baby's soft skin touched House's weathered and sun kissed his monitor spiked. Cuddy jumped up and leaned over House, "House? Can you hear me?"

His face scrunched up and tossed slightly murmuring something that Cuddy couldn't understand, "Come on House, just give me a sign your ok!"

House's eyes opened slowly and he tried to open his dry mouth and speak but he couldn't but for the moment that was good enough for Cuddy. She cautiously reached up to caress a side of House's face with one hand and with the other Cuddy placed it over Felix's on House's hand.

"I'm here, House. You're going to be ok."

Wilson watched by the doorway at the frame before him. He smiled; they looked like a family already. There were problems but at the moment that didn't seem to matter. It was important to Cuddy that House was going to be ok, for their future and Felix's, and Wilson…well that was even simpler. His mission was almost complete, they were both idiots and at times he hated them, but they were meant for each other. Wilson watched the smile on Cuddy's face, as House returned to sleep with their son beside him.

* * *

He slammed his fists into the wall dropping the bottle of amber liquid he'd picked up from a nearby bar. Cuddy loved House, Lucas wasn't stupid but it didn't stop him from loving her. The rain-washed away the tears and the blood from his skin, washing away the hold he had on her or so it seemed to him. Lucas let his head fall to the harsh feeling of the bare brick; he was down an alley by the side of a bar, as his legs gave way. He knew what he'd said to Wilson had been so wrong but House's presence made him nervous and threatened. It made him do things he regretted but now the alcohol had reached his brain numbing his sense of logic and reason. Lucas loved Cuddy, Rachel but could only pretend around Felix for so long before his façade would be revealed. Felix represented everything Lucas hated, the thought of Cuddy with House, his hands on her, lips touching…. was enough to make him vomit. Felix was the product of that, but until they were married he could do nothing. Nothing but wait.

* * *

**_A/N: So what do you think...good or bad? Who was the woman? Any guesses. I can't wait for this big season finale episode with the accident! It's gonna be awesome, finally some huddy action who knows? Speaking of which I was thinking (and I'm giving you guys a lot of hope and spoilers here) smut in, not the next, but the one after that. If anyone's interested in co-writing to make these things happen faster I would love it! Especially if you write good 'romantic' scenes. If not...REVIEW!!! I'll update quicker :D_**

**_Thanks too :_**

**_lurker, chris-am, housefruit, lin12344, Junora, Lynnie1967, TetraFish06, Crashnet, Lenasti16, jaded27, jkarr, Phamy, and a special happy birthday message to Lynnie1967 happy 43rd birthday! Love all your help it keeps me writing!_**

**_Gabe x_**


	6. Chapter 6: Lost in your eyes

_**Chapter six: Lost in Your Eyes**_

* * *

Cuddy had remained vigil at House's side but he had not been awake for such a long time and her eyes were beginning to succumb to the desire to sleep. With a slight nod to Wilson, who had been patiently taking care of her son, and a soft kiss to Felix's delicate forehead Cuddy left the room.

"Is…she gone yet?"

Wilson laughed at he heard House's voice speak out once the door had closed. He placed Felix in a crib that Cuddy had asked for, one thing at a time Wilson concluded.

The oncologist moved next to his friend's bed, "Have you been awake the whole time?"

House didn't open his eyes, "I just wanted her to leave."

Wilson sat down beside him, he would call the doctors to check him out in a moment, and he wanted to savor the moment of talking to his friend. Unintentionally a smile crept onto his face.

"Nice to have you back with us, House."

However Wilson's happiness was short lived. House remained silent and his eyes shut tight as if he might release something apocalyptic onto the world if they opened, "I'm going to call a doctor…"

House's arm came out but widely off target missing Wilson completely and crashing into the machinery beside him, "Damn it! Wilson!"

Wilson stood back, House's eyes were closed, "Open you're eyes House."

His reply was short and curt, "No."

Wilson returned to his seat and leaned on the bed placing his head in his hands, "I can't help you, House, if you don't tell me what's the problem. Either you open your eyes and tell me what's wrong or I call the doctor."

A moment passed before House's head bowed and slowly he opened his eyes. Wilson observed them, completely normal but House didn't give him a chance for a closer inspection. So Wilson conducted a simple test, "House, how many fingers am I holding up?"

He held his hand close to House but no answer came. House simply stared fixed just over his shoulder silently not daring to open his mouth. Not willing to state the facts that Wilson was now very aware of, the removal of one disability only to replace it with another.

"House…" Wilson was stunned and didn't have to hold back because…

"Don't say it."

"House…you can't see me, can you?"

Wilson watched in silence as House's head fell back onto the pillow. The man amazed him still, House's head was bandaged after his surgery and his chest was too, but he survived. He always did. House had been a survivor his entire life.

"Why didn't you tell me, why wait until now?"

Silence was again House's only response to the question partly because Wilson already knew the answer, "It was because of Cuddy."

House pulled his head level to Wilsons positioning it by sound, "The sooner she goes home the sooner…" House paused and Wilson picked up on it.

"The sooner you what?" If it were any other friend or person Wilson would have placed a comforting hand on his arm to reassure him, he wasn't alone but it was House. A simple gesture like that could risk House pulling away further than he already had, this was Cuddy's territory now. Wilson had to call her but couldn't be in the same room as House completely assured that Felix was asleep he excused himself.

* * *

House was alone but he heard something that he couldn't place. Opening his eyes was only a reflex now but House saw nothing. It was black, cold and unforgiving. There was no light, no smiles or reassurances that everything was going to be ok even if it wasn't. The sound got louder and House placed it. A baby, probably to his far left but that made no sense. Sam wasn't pregnant which only left… House reached to where he felt the monitoring patches on his skin tearing them away. When he tried to swing himself out of the bed House suddenly felt the pain that he hadn't felt for a few months. Must be the ribs but House felt down. The outline of a post surgical dressing was just below his ribs and it was throbbing with pain.

"Do you need some help there, young man?"

House laughed bitterly, "Young man?"

He heard the woman laugh, House placed her at 60 plus, as he felt a warm hand wrap around his bicep, "I see you want to go somewhere." She placed his hand on the IV pole pulling it over to act like a walking stick. "Just tell me."

"There's a baby in here somewhere."

The woman pushed him down on to the bed putting the monitors back on, "I'll bring him over."

House would have objected but he was tired and in pain, "How old would you put him at?"

She laughed a warm hearty laugh that House felt was familiar, "I don't know, he's young. Probably around a month or two at most."

The older woman placed the fussing baby into House's open arms and he called out to thank her but she was no longer there. House felt the baby's heat and his soft skin as his hand gently traced the child's face. No longer was he making fussing noises, the boy was calm, it was good the woman knew he was a boy otherwise House would have had no idea. The connections were running through inside his head, _Cuddy's baby…nine months…one month old…ten months ago…I left…. ten months ago we had sex…one month old…_

"Sorry I was gone so long…"

Wilson emerged into the room but was nearly struck down with what he saw. House had some how managed to get across the room to get to Felix. And as Wilson moved closer he saw a single tear track down House's cheek but before he could even think of something to say he spoke.

"What's his name?"

Wilson cleared his throat nervously, "Felix James."

"Cuddy?"

Wilson nodded but cursed himself and replied, "Yes. He's Cuddy's."

A hidden smile crept onto House's face as he looked down to the child into his arms. Wilson knew from the expression on House's face that not only had he figured out who was the father but that he would have given anything to see him. Just one glance at how his son, Felix, looked.

"Is he beautiful? I bet he is…just like his mother."

Wilson felt so out of place and uncomfortable in the moment House was sharing with Felix. Yet, he couldn't help but notice how tender he was with Felix in his arms, the look in his unfocused eyes that beamed with pride so close after nearly loosing his life discovering another.

"Yeah, he is but he has your eyes. Great big orbs."

House smiled and the little boy laughed but his eyes filled quickly, "Was she going to tell me?"

Wilson sat next to House and Felix, "I don't know, I only found out a few days ago. Don't be mad at her, House. She's under a lot of pressure lately and…"

"It's a two person job, Wilson I know." House sighed and Felix reached up to grab his finger. Wilson watched at the emotions in his face flash through pride to anger so quickly, "You can't tell her I know."

"What!"

House held out Felix for Wilson to take, "He needs a father. That's one thing I am never going to be."

Wilson took Felix but as soon as he was removed from his father's embrace started to fuss once again, "You really think that?" Wilson was disgusted and ashamed of his friend as he placed his son back into the cot; "I've watched you screw up everything in your life time and time again. You can screw up your own life but not his. You can't tell me that you didn't feel anything then, when you held that precious life in your arms. He's the only family you've got left."

Wilson looked at his friend and suddenly realized his fear wasn't the young baby, with whom he was so comfortable just a few minutes previous, it was another person. "It's Cuddy isn't it?" Wilson laughed, "It's always about Cuddy with you. You're afraid of her. That she'll choose Lucas over you. That you'll end up loosing her and Felix."

"What else you got, Freud?"

Wilson smirked, "Is that all you've got? House, you'll be a great father but more importantly Cuddy's here. She threw Lucas out. This is your chance. God! Please don't screw it up!"

"Don't screw what up?"

Cuddy was stood in the doorway checking Felix over, kissing him tenderly, before moving towards House and Wilson. "I'm going to leave you two alone."

Wilson practically sprinted out of the room and the tensions that were slowly building, "So, you Wilson told you?"

Cuddy sat beside him, "He called."

House relaxed into the bed with a hiss of pain closing his eyes, "Well this isn't awkward at all is it?"

Cuddy rolled her eyes but instantly regretted the action as he couldn't see it, "What did you expect? It's been a long time."

House smirked, "So you dropped everything to come out here and find me? I find that hard to believe."

Cuddy furrowed her brow, "What?"

"Well, I've just met you're son and that means you're either married or getting married to Mucus. So why come here? If it's pity I'd rather you all left now."

House heard no reply and began to panic that Cuddy had taken his advice, "Cuddy?" his voice was panicked and unsure but he felt a hand on his side, "I'm still here, House. I always am. Whether I like it or not."

"Why?"

"I care about you, House. I can't explain it, I thought you were dead and…"

House hung on her every word, "And?"

Cuddy smiled a little, a part of her wanted to reach out to him, to touch him and take the lost look away from his blind eyes, "And…" Something clicked inside her mind, he was mad, "Wilson already told you didn't he."

"If you're thinking what I'm thinking then no I figured it out myself."

Silence settled in between them except for the incoherent mumblings of Felix in the corner, "I wish you could see him, House. He looks just like you…that's how I knew."

House laughed bitterly, "That the perfect family wasn't so?"

Cuddy shook her head, "That's when I knew he was too beautiful to be a product of me and Lucas."

House lifted his head in confusion, "What?

His voice was soft and unsure so Cuddy stretched her hand out to his stubbled cheek, "He's just like his father."

He lifted his hand to meet hers, "Why are you doing this now? If this hadn't of happened you'd still be playing happy families."

"Why do you have to dissect everything? I'm here now; we're all here now. The three of us."

House sighed, "Don't do this."

"House just deal with it! I made my choice to be here! Not with Lucas! I've just told him to go home and pack his things," It was a little lie but if things went the way she had planned it was only time before it was truth, "I haven't felt the same since that day you left…" Her voice wavered, "You gave me everything I've ever wanted, Greg."

His head shook, "I can't. Not only am I crippled I'm blind, what kind of father would I be."

Cuddy stood and held each side of his face with her own face so close that she couldn't stop staring at his dry lips, "Don't you dare think what you're thinking, Gregory House. I know about your leg surgery and I talked with your doctor it could be only temporary blindness!"

"And it could be permanent!"

"So what!" Cuddy nearly shouted, "It won't make a difference to him…or me."

"Well, it matters to me!"

Cuddy pulled back, "So you'd let the woman you love and you're son walk out the door because of you're pride. When I think you've changed, when I'm willing to drop the life I have to be with you and you say no?" She turned to Felix's crib; "Fine then we won't bother you anymore. Sorry to inconvience you!"

Cuddy took her son and marched out of the room. House shouted after her, "CUDDY!"

When she didn't come back he jumped out of his bed ignoring the pain and tearing the monitors away from his skin. This time he had no one to guide him as House stumbled out of his hospital room shouting her name, "Cuddy!"

House dragged himself along the wall until he couldn't take it anymore. He didn't know where she was and his stomach teamed with his head was screaming with pain but mostly something inside him was screaming that once again he'd screwed up.

* * *

"CUDDY!"

She heard her name being shouted but continued on. Cuddy held her son close to her chest. Regret flashed through her mind, Cuddy really thought he would embrace her but he'd just been told he had a son after he'd nearly died. What had Cuddy been thinking? Her mind berated her for her lack of delicacy with the situation. Cuddy span on her feet suddenly running with her baby in her arms to discover his father on the floor surrounded by doctors and Wilson. After handing Wilson Felix, Cuddy bent down to help him up.

"You're an idiot do you know that?" Cuddy said helping him reach his feet and direct himself back to the bed. House smirked when she was reattaching him to the monitors, "Funny enough I've been told that before."

House heard her sigh, "Why do we have to do this every time, House? We're never on the same page."

Maybe it was easier for him to say it because he couldn't see the way she was looking at him, "I can't loose you again. It's easier to push you away then…to loose you and Felix."

Cuddy let go of the breath she'd been holding for it seemed ten months. Since the moment they'd been together that fateful day her world didn't seem the same. That moment seemed to connect them, he told her how he felt and was honest. At that moment the blind man before her had never been vulnerable.

"You know just when I think I'm right you prove me so wrong."

House smirked, "It keeps life interesting."

Cuddy smiled and moved her face closer to his like she had been waiting to do since she saw him again, "I know what else keeps life interesting…"

The next thing House felt was Cuddy's delicate lips on his own coarse mouth embracing him in warmth and dare he say it momentary happiness.

* * *

**_A/N: Hey sorry this is so late, I've been incredibly busy and not had time to write! I have to write for the paper and all this election stuff is keeping me very busy. And I'm not looking forward to the finale whatever anyone says! I think something is going to happen to Cuddy I watched that first look at the finale! :S If she dies I'm not watching it anymore :P Anywho whatcha think? Surely Cuddy didn't mean to lie to House about Lucas? Surely it wont come back and bite her in the ass ? You'll have to tune in to the next chpter of Cry me a river :D_**

**_REVIEW because you're all awesome and I'd make a list but it's eleven and I'm off to my neighbours (A woman, who is very beautiful, just to prove I'm really not gay :D)_**

**_Gabe xx_**


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